For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
you never un-have a 4some
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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