fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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