Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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