My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
