I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
