What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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