It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
