Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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