Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
