my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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