What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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