**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
