Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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