Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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