Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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