every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
