just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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