I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
