Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
