Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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