Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
