so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
