If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
