Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
