It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I love you. Go after that dick
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
