can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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