the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
time to smoke my breakfast
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
