Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
