I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
