can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
