dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
