I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
