How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
