College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
