sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
