dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize