there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
