Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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