Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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