My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
