yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
