remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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