90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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