i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize