I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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