I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
