I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
