i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
