Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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