What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
