Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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