i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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