I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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