I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
