i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
