Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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