I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
