youre lurking in front of me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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