Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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