you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
