i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize