evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
