One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize