it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
